Maximum Conviction

• Directed by Keoni Waxman
• November 6, 2012 (US) / January 12, 2013 (Japan)
• From an idea by 1000 monkeys at 1000 typewriters

While transferring a pair of female convicts, two former black ops operatives are attacked by unknown individuals.

Maximum Conviction is yet another movie listing Seagal as a star, but he just really breezes in and out of the movie in scenes that were obviously added after the actual stars went home. And he plays the part of the movie’s tactical genius Cross like he is confused on which film he is in. What the hell is up with Steven Seagal’s voice in this? I don’t know if he’s going for Cajun or what. But whatever it is it’s just not good. And then it shows up again in the closing scene. Really?

Steven Seagal at one point was an action star but now he’s an old fat man who uses body doubles. I used to think that was a load of crap because it just doesn’t seem that even the laziest of action stars would do such a thing, but often there are scenes involving Steven Seagal and it’s clearly a different person. He abruptly looses a few pounds and his skin is more naturally colored. 

Then again I wouldn’t want to participate in action scenes that amounted to me slapping and pushing somebody until they were too shamed and simply stayed down because their spirit is broken. It would be far too humiliating. A man has pride.

Seagal is paired with action icon (I’m saying that sarcastically) Stone Cold Steve Austin as weapons expert Manning. Austin can do intimidating but not much else. He has no charisma or screen presence. And while working on that very important garbage truck he is just an asshole to everybody. Why is Manning taking time out to work on a garbage truck when he is supposed to be running security for this black site prison transfer? It’s very convenient for the purposes of the plot but makes no sense.

Austin is the real star of the movie here. He takes up far more screen time than anybody else but truthfully all the minor characters engage in better action than Austin or Seagal do. They are just names on the marquee. And they are names that carry no weight these days.

In all fairness this is an interesting action movie idea executed on a micro budget by people who don’t know how to handle this idea. A prison break at a black site prison? Shades of Break Out with Charles Bronson but more American in setting. And with less talent all around.

This is all about trying to get an individual who works for a non-American spy agency, but also sometimes works for the bad guys and sometimes works for the guys and I’m not sure if they really thought through the whole speech that explained that. Apparently she has some important information and the CIA maybe is trying to get her. It all feels very murky. Or because the acting is so bad you can’t really pay attention. You start imagining the movie you wish you could watch.

The info is in a device placed very near her boobs. Feel free to chuckle uncomfortably. I did. Does Seagal and pals think they are being funny or witty with stuff like this. I’m not against blue humor or anything but this is like a horny teenager that’s trying to pretend to be an adult with what he does.

Michael Paré is the best actor this movie has. Here he plays Chris Blake who is a leader of a group of mercenaries hired to spring the two prisoners in the most noticeable way possible. As an actor he is at least taking his employment in this project seriously. I’m no tactical genius like Cross but it seems like the transport in motion would be easier than a prison.

Bad cinematography. Bad acting. Bad sets. This has it all and none of what it has is good. And I will never understand how Steven Seagal got top billing. Stone Cold Steve Austin is way more important to this movie than Steven Seagal is. I keep coming back to that.

Ultimately if you’re looking to waste 90 minutes of your life that you can never get back and regret wasting then watch Maximum Conviction. Otherwise do something more enjoyable than this like asking a football player to kick you in the groin with their cleats.