The Time Guardian

• Directed by Brian Hannant
• December 3, 1987

Two soldiers from a time traveling city under attack by cyborgs are sent in advance to the Australian desert in 1988 to prepare for its arrival with the enemy close behind.

I have seen bits and pieces of The Time Guardian over the years before sitting down for a complete viewing. I think some was on the Syfy Channel and I believe it even made an appearance on MST3K. If my memory is correct then it was a good fit.

In the opening battle scene the cyborgs and even the costumes worn will remind you of a Power Rangers episode. I’m not complaining. Sometimes a well-produced kid-oriented adventure is just what the doctor ordered. Especially if its Ozploitation.

The hero called Ballard (Tom Burlinson) is a soldier of the 41^st century often called “The Time Guardian” for no discernable reason. Something alluding to the city would make sense. His important mission in 20^th century Australia? Build a giant pile of rocks for his city to rest on before it arrives since one leg was damaged in the opening battle by the cyborgs referred to as the Jen-Diki. They play like it is a ticking clock but how? You should be able to arrive after it is done.

These creatures called the Jen-Diki have been a threat for some time but the people of the city know almost nothing about them. Why not use time travel to gather information? I get avoiding a paradox by destroying them before the city ever encountered them, but not using their technology for intelligence purposes? That will be one of several questions you have while watching. 

If you’re expecting a large presence of Carrie Fisher as Petra prepare to be disappointed. After Star Wars her acting career was, well, not much. Mark Hamill did better. If she did appear in something it was more for her name to be attached than it was with her to be the main character. In The Time Guardian she is not only a soldier but an expert on the 20^th century assigned to help Ballard build a rock pile. Why not just send her or several history experts rather than just her and the soldier Ballard?

Done right slow moving can be menacing but the way it is done in The Time Guardian makes you wonder how the Jen-Diki overwhelmed anybody. It’s kind of like how can old school zombies actually kill people? A brisk walk should be more than enough to give potential victims a tactical advantage. Take the damaged Terminator in the original Terminator. By that point though you knew it was just going to keep coming no matter what. It was never going to quit but they never build to that here. The designs are cool but cool does not equal dangerous.

There a lot of explosions and over the top dialogue. The Time Guardian is less intelligent and more stupid fun. You would almost expect a relationship between Petra and Ballard but he falls for some random geologist named Annie (Nikki Coghill) that he literally stumbles across. Really not sure what she is other than a pretty face pretty Australian face. Coghill is charming in the part but her continued presence beyond a ride makes no sense.

Brian Hannant and pals drop evidence that the unnamed city has been in various periods of time but do nothing with it other than use it to highlight that the city has been traveling through time. Maybe it was a limitation of budget or nobody thought it through. There was no need of images on rock walls created in the distant past. The viewer has accepted that they are time travelers.

I have no idea how the finale comes together other than the fight between Ballard and Jen-Diki leader. There is a wise Asian character that dresses like an elderly Toshi from Revenge of the Nerds. Somehow he figures out that a technology connected to their travelling can defeat the cyborgs. Nobody else thought of this? It’s just not well explained what that something is and that’s a problem. The Time Guardian is dumb fun but even in dumb fun the finale needs to be clear even if it’s unexpected. 

I don’t think there is any way this could ever have been a major hit. The idea and the execution is a little silly. It’s more in line with an Italian exploitation film than it is a science-fiction epic. This is a movie that wants to be taken seriously but because of either ineptitude or a love of 50s era science-fiction or maybe even influences of Japanese shows what you get is more like a Saturday animated cartoon for children but written by adults. Think G.I. Joe or Transformers in that regard.

Yet it hit the spot for me. There’s plenty to enjoy. I just found it fine. I giggled and felt like I was reliving my youth. It gave me that joy I had when I’m watching a movie from my youth. It is an actioner that does not ask much of the audience. It transcends into so-bad-it’s-good.

The Time Guardian is not great but it is fun. It’s bad but bad in a good way. Or is that good in a bad way. I never know. I recommend it for just a good time.