Critters 3

• Directed by Kristine Peterson
• December 11, 1991

The Critters infest a small LA apartment complex.

A recap can be beneficial but having a recap handled like a blunt instrument is just a bad idea. Critters 3 opens with a rather long montage of Critters 2. It reeks of the people behind the movie desperate to remind the audience of just how good (or passable) the first two were because they know what you’re about to get might just be a stinker. More annoyingly most of the development of Charlie (Don Keith Opper) are wiped away since he is once again the local joke though no longer a raging alcoholic.

Charlie’s appearance is predominantly to connect this movie with the last one. He is often missing from the story. If you’re going to have Charlie, who was an important player in the last movie show up, then you might want to continue his story in Grover’s Bend or plainly make sure Charlie is important to events in the new location. Charlie eventually comes in during the end though the survivors in the building are doing okay without him.

In true 90s comedic fashion we have the overweight woman named Rosalie (Diana Bellamy) falling madly in lust with Charlie because she apparently doesn’t get out much. It’s one-sided and it just pops up randomly. Reminds me of this murderess I saw on a docuseries once. It is meant to be funny or cute, but Charlie has no inkling Rosalie exists. Not even sure if they share any lines. When you think too deeply about it, which you should not about anything in this movie, Charlie dodged a bullet (or kitchen knife).

This is pushed as the film debut of Leonardo DiCaprio and I’m not one who thinks he’s the greatest actor ever. He displays his maximum level of talent here and it hasn’t grown. I really hoped he would be one of the people that got eaten by a Critter. Or just left at the rest stop where we initially saw his character.

There is good reason why Critters 3 was direct-to-video. The acting is rough and things happen that defy casual logic. Not that that’s necessarily bad. Poor quality can add unintentional charm to a film. Characters will hear noises like screaming but not hear the Critters making noises when they’re just 6 inches away. Frankly I have a little trouble with that bit.

You think that Josh (DiCaprio) is not going to be in the movie that much and it’s an overhyped bit part. Then there is the reveal that coincidentally his stepfather owns the apartment building where the Critters are going to be. Even if he wasn’t a known actor at this point this is very forced to keep a particular character in a movie.

Annie (Aimee Brooks) is the main character though not by much. She’s in a lot of the movie but doesn’t do really anything. A little bit of shouting and a little bit of running while offering some vaguely defined ideas, but not much else. Where does her beef with her dad come from? Is she feeling pain from the death of her mother? Is it because her dad is absent and taking a well-paying job as an old timey train conductor. Really. His work uniform seems to be just that.

There are the expected explosions with occasional dark humor. The Krites as usual exponentially outnumber the initial eggs. We often get the Critter view in an Evil Dead-esque way. That is cheaper than tossing around fur covered balls I guess.

At the end of the movie Josh asks Annie. Nothing wrong with that but during the course of the movie his stepfather was eaten by Critters and he was all guilt-ridden and sad about dead stepdaddy. Then he’s smiling and laughing looking to get some play the only character his age. That’s a level of psychopathy I’m not exactly comfortable with in a supposedly heroic character. 

The best part of this movie is the end credits scene that plays out as the names of those that made this film possible. Why? Because it features the two characters you actually care about. Charlie is looking around for the last bit of critter eggs and we get a cameo appearance by Ug (Terrence Mann). These are hyper carnivorous creatures but now they can’t kill them because the eggs are the last two critters left in the galaxy. The thing is there seemed to be a definite push to exterminate the creatures.

Critters 3 is adequate. A little entertaining but not a great follow-up to the first two films. If you’re a bit of a completist or just want to see Leonardo DiCaprio’s first film appearance then take a look but otherwise skip.