Hatchet

• Written and Directed by Adam Green
• April 27, 2006 (Tribeca Film Festival) / September 7, 2007 (US)

A group of tourists on a New Orleans haunted swamp tour accidentally get stranded in the wilderness where they are hunted by a supernatural deformed man killing anyone entering the swamp. Sounds like Shrek but more violent.

In my nerdy world a great deal was made of Robert Englund being in Hatchet but he’s in less than five minutes of the opening as a generic redneck. I was really upset by that. Englund is one of the classic horror movie actors having been Freddy Krueger as well as a number of other films. A talented man who also gave a nuanced performance to the Visitor Willie, he is totally wasted here.

Then again so is Tony Todd as Reverend Zombie. I expected both to be in a little more of this film but they just came in to give this some horror cred. I get the thinking, but you get genre talent and do nothing then you are not thinking.

There are some lesser known-yet-familiar faces present in the main cast. Joel David Moore, Deon Richmond, Mercedes McNab, Parry Shen, Joel Murray, Richard Riehle, Patrika Darbo, and horror icon Kane Hodder as the deformed Victor Crowley. You may not know all (or any of) the names but you will recognize many of the faces.

I did enjoy the film for what it was. There is plenty to like but I think it mostly suffers from limitations of budget and maybe even those of the director. I have heard horror movies are cheap to make yet generally profitable. Too cheap can be an issue as can a lack of skill or worse, a halfhearted shortcut because something did not work out. I think we get a little bit of all that here.

It takes at least 30 minutes before anything much happens. The bulk of the opening is driving home how Ben (Joel David Moore) is depressed over the girlfriend he’s dated since the seventh grade dumping him for another guy. His buddy Marcus (Deon Richmond) and some friends are in New Orleans to get him over her but really just using it as an excuse to party hardy.

In general the characters are of the 80s type. Unlikeable yet watchable enough that you enjoy viewing them but are looking forward to their all but guaranteed death which here gets gory (even darkly comedic) in a way the genre was back then.

Having watched the trailer I am a little disappointed that the voiceover we get in the trailer is actually a character’s in-film dialogue. I know this was done cheaply, but does that have to extend the trailer? It’s not a scene in the trailer, but rather a speech given by a woman looking for family used as the voice over of the trailer.

Rather than be a straight up slasher horror it’s more of a slasher horror comedy filled with bad jokes and questionable logic. I’m a little torn on that aspect. I do appreciate and enjoy that with the FX but on the other hand I would like something a little more straightforward.

Many of the jokes are actually pretty good. Who would expect a purposely bad movie to make a joke about Hofstra and NYU? The main highlight is the over-the-top almost comedic gore that we get. The effects are heavy, practical, and very reminiscent of the glory days of 80s horror. There are plenty of entrails and improbable carnage.

Ben and his heavy amount of emotional baggage weighed this now. The film was not serious enough for that seriousness nor was it comedic to make you laugh. I would’ve cut that whole bit and just had him going on the tour because for any number of reasons from him being curious to his friends were just too annoying and he wanted to get away from them.

I think Hatchet needed a little less straddling of the horror and the comedy. Lean into one or the other. Make it genuinely scary or darkly comedically absurd. The tour guide sounded like the generic Asian character from every 80s teen comedy. Maybe lean into things like that.

Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder) is a visually intriguing character brought to life with prosthetics. His presentation is a bit generic and for a movie called ‘Hatchet’ I am not sure he uses one all that much. The titular tool gave him his distinctive face but is not something he is strongly inclined to handle.

With that in mind, I mostly enjoyed Hatchet. There is a clear love of the slasher genre that made this enjoyable. I wish some things had been done better but it is not a total loss.