Cartels

• Also known as Killing Salazar
• Directed by Keoni Waxman
• July 7, 2017 (Ltd. Theatrical) / September 19, 2017 (DVD)

A drug lord who agreed to testify is being held in secret by the US in Romania is targeted by armed mercenaries.

It can be strange watching Steven Seagal films at times. You’ll see a movie that in another person’s hand with a modestly expanded budget could’ve been a hit even if it might be derivative. Insert Steven Seagal and the micro budgets he is forced to work with and things go wrong within seconds. 

The first thing that goes wrong with Cartels is that Seagal as John Harrison mumbles a lot of his dialogue to Major Tom Jensen (Luke Goss) whose responses clue the viewer in on what Seagal did not clearly enunciate. Unfortunately that dialogue serves as setup and narration for this story which is presented as a bookended flashback.

Seagal directing bitch Keoni Waxman crafts some (possibly) unintended homoeroticism in the beginning of the film with sweaty soldiers and butt shots as they workout in a bit of sexy visual time as Jensen rides up on a motorcycle in a very Tom Cruise in Top Gun kind of way. Without a Kelly McGillis stand in sadly.

The flashback story is about a military team protecting an Eastern European sounding drug lord named Joseph “El Tiburon” Salazar played by regular Seagal costar and Waxman stock player Florin Piersic Jr. He faked his death to become an informant for the DEA with even Helen Keller being able to see there’s something up with his whole scenario.

Modern technology is amazing! It allows you to quickly change a word or NAME in a document. A few easy keystrokes would have allowed writers Keoni Waxman and Richard Beattie to make the part fit the actor. Plus it would have done nothing to the twist. You cannot get a Romanian to sound like a Latino.

The team assigned to guard Salazar has a few women with lip fillers and boob jobs. Such things, or the appearance thereof, makes it difficult to take them seriously as authority figures while creating laughs when they try to be tough. Imagine somebody you think has a side hustle as a stripper trying to intimidate you.

I haven’t seen them yet but both Sicario films are on my very long ‘To Watch’ list. I’m guessing this is an attempt to be like Sicario. In the moments without Seagal, Cartels works as well as it can. It’s when he gets in is when it gets weaker. In his day he could add something to his movies but unlike bigger action stars he never developed a gravitas buoyed by the nostalgia of his past. Van Damage may no longer be young but that nostalgia for his better days and a presence of physical ability despite being 65 carries you through his lesser stuff. Not so with Sensei Seagal.

Seagal’s character and thus his participation is almost inconsequential. I’m not sure if his being in Cartels was an afterthought or a last-minute addition. His action scenes, performed by a body double, are a series of quick cuts with him inserted to give the illusion of participation. It’s a lot of over-the-short shots or just plain shoulder shots meant to imply Steven Seagal with the occasional image of him and the actor together.

If this is built around anything it’s built around the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Salazar and Jensen must join forces when a mole reveals Salazar’s location. Coincidentally (or inexplicably) Salazar is being held by the feds in a hotel he built because that would happen.

The attempt to craft Salazar into a character with a heart of gold or some sense of honor borders on the cliché but helped elevate what would otherwise be pedestrian material. It makes the whole experience a little bit more enjoyable. Not great yet certainly not boring.

To Waxman’s credit, twists and surprises are hinted at before they are shown though the hint is only noticeable after the reveal. It is an act of hidden-yet-not-hidden I thought was beyond Waxman or anything tainted by modern Seagal. Makes for better viewing.

While Cartels may have been something a little more special in the hands of a different group of people, it’s not a bad experience. It’s entertaining and exciting enough. You may not watch it again, but you will not regret watching it once.