Satan’s Alley

• Directed by Godfrey Ho
• September 19, 1989 (US) / October 16, 1989 (West Germany) / October 17, 1989 (Italy) / December 17, 1989 (France)
• Based on characters created by Umberto Eco

Deeply hidden secrets come to the surface at an isolated monastery along a very brown road.

The Name of the Rose was a bit of a hit when it came out, but not a roaring success. The idea of a sequel was kicked around before Satan’s Alley was eventually announced. Sean Connery agreed to return but only in some opening narration where his character William of Baskerville (played by a body double on film) says his goodbyes to Christian Slater’s Adso of Melk before Adso departs. 

Adso is riding off to a monastery near Kernholio along the Way of Brown at the request of William. William feels the man has matured enough to take on responsibilities that could only be handled by one who was adult in spirit but young of body. Since the monastery is along the route he will take William asks Adso to see what this situation really is based on a request from an old friend in the Shire of Brownton. He is instructed to use a firm hand in the matter but full force no matter what.

A few directors were talked about before it eventually landed in the hands of Godfrey Ho. This would be his only major Hollywood production and there’s no confirmed story on exactly how he wound up here doing this. The man was known for chopping up other films in order to make new films. This does intermix some footage from The Name of the Rose but those are mostly establishing shots. It’s not the Frankenstein he was normally known for. 

This sports two potent performances by Tobey Maguire as Tyrd Bergliere and Robert Downey, Jr. as Rym de Joeb who are monks at the monastery. De Joeb is the youngest son from a prominent local family while Bergliere is an orphaned child who was taken in by the monks and having lived no other life has chosen to enter the religious order repeatedly.

The last film hinted at homosexuality. This one plays that up to a very significant extent. There is immediate electricity between de Joeb and Bergliere. It’s communicated with knowing glances and longing looks. There is a butter churning scene that gets a bit too on the nose.

Dey the Abbot (John Turturro) is revealed to be murdering individuals in an effort to cover up what he feels is the debauchery at the monastery. This leads to a rather extended and gratuitous chase through hallways and corridors and even on horseback before culminating in a sword fight between Adso and the Abbot in some hay.

They fight with very large swords and even shinier helmets. I liked how they pushed hard against one another throughout Satan’s Alley before the climax. Sweat glistened on their taught bodies and rolled along their supple skin.

This has a rather all-star cast for the era. Dustin Hoffman, Tom Hanks, Bill Murray, Michael J. Fox, and Harrison Ford. All have varying roles in this. It is even said Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone have uncredited cameos in a way similar to Maud Adams in A View to a Kill. All do an excellent job as the filmmaker delves long and hard into many stiff subjects. There’s a pulsating tension throughout this movie as secrets are revealed.

It’s strange how difficult the abbey was for Adso to get into but as the story goes along he finds that he really likes it there. Also despite all he has been through it would be a place he could go to often willingly and have others go to as well.

There’s not too much story in Satan’s Alley. Mostly because this movie doesn’t actually exist. If you haven’t seen Tropic Thunder, that’s where I got the idea from. The Name of the Rose though is a real movie.