Def-Con 4

• Written and Directed by Paul Donovan
• March 15, 1985

Three astronauts that survived World War III aboard a space station return to Earth to find chaos.

Def-Con 4 is a movie I saw sitting amongst the VHS cassette boxes at my mom-and-pop video stores back in the day, but I never picked it up. It was just one of those things that caught my attention because the box art stood out yet never piqued my curiosity to rent. Imagine my surprise when I saw that same VHS cover as the thumbnail on Tubi.

Sometimes after viewing a film you realize the idea is better than the experience. I had so many questions and issues after watching. It is possibly the most dumbed-down and derivative former direct-to-video offering I have ever encountered. It lacks any real quality or intelligence. This is quite possibly the worst thing I think I ever sat through. I say ‘I think’ because my brain kept drifting off and playing an imaginary movie in my head that was far more interesting than what I had on.

My first question is: why only three astronauts manning the station? And they’re all working at the same time? Assuming one gets sick what do they do? It’s the same issue that The Gorge has. Not enough people to logically handle what they’re doing. You do not need them on screen but certainly a mention a larger crew.

Our relative heroes live on a space station. That is what keeps them safe from the nuclear war but are mysteriously forced back down when a genius boy somehow triggers their launch system.  Where is the electricity for his computer coming from or even an ability to connect without services?

The movie is meandering and makes almost no sense. You watch thinking Def-Con 4 will pull itself together because it somehow looks like it will but never does. It brings in new characters and events that seem to be leading somewhere but does the stupidest thing it can making you ask why?

Nobody can act in this. There’s not even a surprising moment of quality in a performance. I understand that in low-budget films shot can get tight. The characters are often virtually on top of each other in shots no matter the area they are in. Sets look like plywood and foam or even a backyard. Apocalyptic clothing and people are surprisingly clean. They are doing well with the hygiene.

The good guys are almost as indifferent as the bad guy who is a teenage boy that has climbed to the top of the ranks. He’s not even aloof. He’s an entitled brat that is about as threatening as a hipster in a coffee shop. Then again there is no sense of danger at all in this movie.

I couldn’t tell much about a single character is. Nothing stands out about them. It’s not because their lines are interchangeable. It’s because what they said and did wasn’t that interesting. Drama? Action? This film has none of that and yet it’s still a movie which would seem to defy all cinematic rules.

To say something nice about Def-Con 4 would be lying. There is nothing good about this. The people behind this movie didn’t even try. It’s easy to spot or even respect a movie that tried and failed. They didn’t do that here. Maybe it was an experience or maybe they just were all looking to get their money and go home.

Upon watching the trailer, I realized that the trailer contained the most watchable scenes in the entire movie. I’m not talking that they were artful, but visually they were more appealing and more solidly directed and acted than anything else in the film and they are all taken from the opening on the space station until launch. It may be cheesy sets or bad effects but that poor quality had some charm.

I understand it trailers are to sell films and this is not the first movie to put the best shots in the trailer. It certainly will not be the last but what followed was such an incredible downgrade in an already weak film that it turned possible adequate trash into something toxic.

In all my movie watching before I ever started this blog, one thing I’ve noticed is if there isn’t a shot or a few seconds or an image in a trailer that in a way encapsulates the film, the movie itself will not be enjoyable. Even on a guilty pleasure level.  This doesn’t have one encapsulating shot in the trailer. It’s not some esoteric belief but. Rather trailers being a sampling of the movie should present the vibe of that film. This avoids doing that because they knew the stinker they had. 

This was one instance where I felt I completely wasted my time. No enjoyment. No vicarious thrills. Just a growing resentment towards the film and its creators. It’s one of those things that gets worse the more I think about it. It’s a rotting memory that I can never discard.

Def-Con 4 is a movie that should be erased from every streaming service and any and all physical copies, no matter how complete or incomplete, destroyed. It is one of the worst things I’ve ever watched.