Gor

• Directed by Fritz Kiersch
• May 9, 1987 (Cannes Film Festival)
• Based on the 1966 book Tarnsman of Gor by John Norman

A professor via a magical ring is transported to a fantastical world where he must overthrow an evil warrior king.

My first encounter with the 80s fantasy Gor was some late night broadcast. Possibly from when CBS did such things to prevent having dead air. It’s one of numerous cinematic Conan the Barbarian knock offs despite being based on a book. Like all those knock offs it’s low on budget and big on bad acting. It takes a surface view of that success and misses the true reason why it became such a hit.

Calling this a careening mess of a movie would be kind. A lot of it appears to be dubbed, but that is not the problem. The problem is clunky dialogue and plot contrivance and just really bad costuming. Generally those costumes are barely existent on whoever is wearing them. Was the budget that thin that they skimped on fabric or were they aiming for titillation?

The story center centers around the very American Urbano Barberini as Professor Tarl Cabot who is just shy of being your average 80s yuppie that deals with generic jerks as exemplified by the likes of Norman (Arnold Vosloo). Vosloo is from South Africa and thus speaks English, but I think he, like others, is dubbed. It preserves a certain aesthetic and continuity but now with him better known is silly.

Cabot has a girl on Earth who sounds like he might be dating but she is not really into him because she also ‘hangs’ with Norman. She even talks like he is a better catch. I have no idea the actual status of their relationship. However, on the planet of Gor one of many leather bikini clad women that he comes across shares a connection with him with Talena (Rebecca Ferratti) being prettier than the girl on earth.

Cabot, via a magic ring given to him by his grandpa, is soon transported to Gor where he quickly comes into conflict with the warlord Sarm (Oliver Reed). Cannot say too much about the character. Certainly Reed gives weight and presence to a part that would otherwise be forgettable but Sarm is mostly being evil to do evil things and trying to conquer his world by taking Home Stones from every village he comes across though I have no idea what they do. Cabot’s ring is connected to them, but what might be known about their power that it makes them attractive to Sarm?

The heroic Cabot accidentally kills one of the Sarm’s men who turns out to be Sarm’s son so Sarm does a few more bad things before disappearing largely from the movie and then coming back for a milquetoast final battle. Ever watch a movie and get the feeling an actor’s scenes were added after the main part of the production was done? I got that feeling here. It’s not like Reed’s part was added, but they had nobody cast until after a good chunk of the production was completed. It makes for a boring movie.

Whatever the case it doesn’t feel like these characters were heading for a confrontation at any point. Nor does it feel like they really dislike each other as much as mortal enemies are supposed to. Either could step aside and all would be forgiven because neither really cares about the other.

Between what look like plastic or cheap painted swords and an abundance of leather and bad dubbing and generally bad acting and questionable script choices and so much else this is just a wreck. Gor is a kid’s movie essentially. Fewer women in bikinis and this would be perfect for any 10-year-old. As is it is designed to pull in the horny teenage boy.

I can’t say much about the characters. I’m not even sure what the Elder (Alex Heyns) brings to this or what his whole role is beyond dispensing some background information on the world in which we find the story taking place. He implies that others have come before thus hinting Cabot’s grandpa dumped a responsibility on his grandson with zero prep.

Given that the ring brings help to whenever it is needed, there’s the implication of some type of supernatural awareness on the part of the object ending and an inability for the general population to handle things on their own. If you need multiple saviors you might need to make some personal changes.  They never get into any of the mythology that supports the story instead choosing to focus on poorly staged action.

Then there is the ending. In something reminiscent of John Carter (and maybe the book is where some of the inspiration came from) our hero touches his ring to the home stone and goes home shortly after Jack Palance shows up. So was it magic influence? And with Palance set to become a threat why not just leave Cabot there if the ring sends for help every time Kingdom of Ko-ro-ba is threatened?

Gor is an experience and not necessarily a good one. So much went wrong here. Do not waste your time.